Snake goes to Court!
by SamandMax
Summary: After the events of the first MGS, Snake goes to court and must defend himself against Revolver Ocelot


Snake goes to Court!  
  
"All rise for the honorable Judge McGooley."  
  
A judge walks into the courtroom. Everyone then sits down.  
  
"Alright, I'm da judge around here and everyone listens to me, ya hear. Our first case is Revolver Ocelot vs Snake over the destruction of a priceless robot. Revolver, you may speak first."  
  
"Your honor, I'm here today to prove Snake is an evil, evil, evil, evil, evil, evil, evil, evil, evil-"  
  
"We get the point sir."  
  
"Alright, he's about thirty evils. Well, Snake broke into my large home where I was having an NRA party, shot up some of my friends, blew up my private helicopter, and then blew up my personal robot."  
  
"And what did this robot do Mr.Ocelot?"  
  
"It crushed ice. Anyway, he even caused heart attacks. I demand that he pays for all the damage he did."  
  
"Your honor, I'm Snake the hero. I was on every newspaper in town. Except The Daily Times, those guys can go to hell. Anyway, that robot was evil. It had rockets and such and such."  
  
"Mr.Ocelot, why would it have rockets?"  
  
"I really like ice."  
  
"So you attached millions of dollars worth of equipment on an ice crusher."  
  
"Wouldn't you?"  
  
"Mr.Snake, what about this helicopter."  
  
"It was shooting at me like this. Pepepepepepepepppep. So I pulled out my machine gun and started to go like Popopopopopopp. Then there was an explosion like Neeeeerrrrrpooooooooo. And I was like woohoo, and then the other guy was like Ahhh, I'm on fire."  
  
"I see. Mr.Ocelot, any truth to this?"  
  
"Yes your honor, I did shoot at him. Because he was trespassing on my property. If someone was walking around your backyard, you'd send a very expensive heavy artillery helicopter after them too."  
  
"Now Mr. Snake, what's this about a woman named Sniper Wolf."  
  
"She had a sniper rifle, she shot at me and almost killed Meryl. Oh, and Otacon had something with her but hey, who cares about him."  
  
"Revolver, why would you have a sniper at the party."  
  
"It was an NRA meeting. She was showing us how to aim using it, and then this psycho girl runs into the sight screaming and accidently gets shot three times. I mean, it was an accident and then Snake comes and shoots her."  
  
"Snake, I should arrest you for murder."  
  
"No your honor, I'm telling you she was bad. She's like Oddjob from Goldfinger. She wasn't the man bad guy like Goldfinger, but just some short chinese guy with a metallic hat."  
  
"Revolver, was she really a short man with a frisbee hat?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Hmmm...interesting. Alright Snake, what about Liquid Snake."  
  
"He was the man behind all of this. He's the goldfinger of the story. He looked almost exactly liked me, except more eviler looking. Is eviler a word?"  
  
"No, it isn't. Mr. Ocelot, did you see this liquid?"  
  
"No, of course not. I wouldn't let a man that looked evil into my party."  
  
"Who was at this party?"  
  
"Umm...Hitler Jr, Evil McEvilson, Donald Trump.."  
  
"Alright Snake, are you really liquid?"  
  
"What? No!"  
  
"You look like him, and his body was never found. I think you're him."  
  
"No, let me prove it."  
  
"Alright, it says here Snake knows the entire Oscar Meyer weiner song. Sing it or I'll know you're liquid."  
  
"Ohhhh, I wish I was an oscar meyer weiner, that is what I truly want to beeeee. And if I was an oscar meyer weiner, everyone would be in...um love with meeeee!"  
  
"He forgot the love part for a second, guards arrest this man."  
  
"What, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!Hahaha, that tickles."  
  
"Mr.Ocelot, you'll get your eighty billion dollars back. But first, you must also sing a song. The Fig newton song!"  
  
"What...um ok....Ooey gooey rich and chewy outside. Tender flaky...um, that's all I know."  
  
"Big Mistake. Guards, send 'em to death row."  
  
"SNAKE! YOU GOT ME SENT TO DEATH ROW, MY GHOST IS GOING TO HAUNT THE HELL OUT OF YOUR JAIL CELL."  
  
"Hahahaha, I'd like to see you try Oc...OW, tasers."  
  
  
During the next five years, Ocelot was executed and Snake was left in prison. Old Bobby Joe finally got the wish he wanted and managed to meet the man who's head looked like a pumpkin. And Billy, well he went away to the Vietnam war and never came back.... 


End file.
